“We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.”
—Epictetus

When I began graduate school with the goal of becoming an administrator, I carried with me a deep sense of purpose and ambition. I envisioned myself as a catalyst for meaningful change—someone who would enter a school and immediately begin improving systems, practices, and outcomes. As a classroom teacher, I had even kept detailed notes about what I would do differently when I stepped into leadership. I was ready to be a trailblazer.

However, the reality of the role quickly reshaped that vision. The enthusiasm that once burned so brightly was met with the complex realities of leadership—policies, procedures, layers of approval, and constraints that were often beyond my control. I learned quickly that the higher one moves within an organization, the more one encounters systems that must be navigated rather than changed outright. Many of the changes I hoped to implement were either delayed, modified, or simply not possible within existing structures. This realization was frustrating, and at times discouraging.

It was during this period that I internalized a critical lesson: I can only control the controllables. This mindset shift transformed not only how I approached challenges, but how I defined success as a leader. As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus reminds us, we do not have power over every circumstance we face, but we always retain control over our response. That is where true empowerment lies.

A simple analogy illustrates this well. When it begins to rain, I cannot stop the weather—it exists independent of me. However, I can decide how I respond. I can prepare with an umbrella and remain dry, or I can choose to walk through the rain and accept the consequences. The situation itself is neutral; meaning is created through response.

In leadership, this principle becomes essential. We can control our thoughts, our actions, and our reactions. We can choose whether we approach challenges with a growth mindset or a fixed one. We can decide whether our presence brings calm, clarity, and positivity—or stress and negativity. These choices, though internal, have a profound external impact on the culture we help shape.

Developing this level of control requires both self-awareness and self-management. There were times when I felt overwhelmed by competing priorities or unexpected challenges. In those moments, I learned the importance of pausing rather than reacting impulsively. Sometimes that meant taking a walk around campus, visiting classrooms, and reconnecting with the purpose of the work through interactions with students. Other times, it meant stepping back to process information thoughtfully before determining next steps. These practices grounded me and allowed me to respond more intentionally.

Equally important was recognizing that I did not have to navigate challenges alone. Leadership is not about having all the answers—it is about building a team that brings diverse strengths to the table. When situations arose that required additional perspective or expertise, I leaned on my colleagues. In doing so, I not only arrived at better solutions, but also strengthened relationships and trust within the team.

There were also moments when acceptance was the only appropriate response. Some circumstances were entirely outside of my influence, and continuing to dwell on them only drained time and energy. In those instances, I embraced the idea of letting go—freeing myself from the burden of trying to control the uncontrollable. As simple as the phrase may sound, learning to “let it go” was a powerful act of discipline. It allowed me to redirect my energy toward what truly mattered.

Over time, I began to see challenges differently. Setbacks were no longer barriers; they became opportunities for growth. What initially felt like limitations shifted into learning experiences that strengthened resilience and perspective. I came to believe that many setbacks are, in fact, setups for future comebacks—if we choose to see them that way.

This perspective is especially important in education, where mandates and directives often come from district, state, or national levels. While these external forces may limit flexibility, they do not eliminate creativity. Effective leaders look for the “silver lining”—the space within those guidelines where innovation, adaptation, and meaningful impact can still occur. By focusing on what can be done rather than what cannot, leaders maintain momentum and purpose.

Ultimately, leadership is less about controlling circumstances and more about mastering response. When we focus on what is within our control—our mindset, our actions, and our influence—we operate from a place of strength rather than frustration. We model resilience for those we serve and create a culture that values adaptability and growth.

In the end, the principle remains simple yet profound: control the controllables. Within that space lies both our greatest challenge and our greatest opportunity as leaders.